A Picture's Worth a Thousand Memories
The lovely Eva asked about progress pictures. As in, where are they? Good question.
The problem is that I don't have many before pictures. I didn't hide from the camera; I fought like a wild cat on crack to avoid having my photo taken. It would be a permanent record of my failure, you see, captured for eternity for all to see my shame and misery.
But then a very wise woman--thankfully, a friend of mine--wrote a beautiful little post in a forum we belong to, about mourning the loss of a friend, a large woman who never allowed her picture to be taken. My friend was so sad not to have a single photograph from all the wonderful times they'd shared. I've almost forgotten her beautiful smile, she wrote, and the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed.
Her sorrow was profound, and it made me realize how very selfish I had been. I was all wrapped up in what I saw and felt; I never considered what my family and friends saw when they looked at my photo. Sure, there might be an odd thought or two about my size, or an observation of a particularly bad hair day or unfortunate choice of blouse, but those would be wrapped in love and compassion and good memories.
Because the people who love us, love us for our hearts and minds and smiles. Our outer selves aren't as important as the good memories photographs evoke. And the people who don't love us...well, what they think doesn't really matter, especially if all they're going to see is a size.
I'll honor my friend by encouraging anyone who's hiding from the camera to give the gift of memories to your loved ones. Have your photo taken and smile like you're happy you're alive, like you're someone who's loved, like you love yourself. The people who love you deserve to see that. (You do, too!)
I'm a little better about photos now, but only a little. It's all a process, and I'm making progress. I have a few pictures here and there, and no recent ones. But when I win my January challenge and go for a makeover, I'll tote my camera with me and see what I can do. :) Meanwhile, here's a before and during:
The one on the left was a couple of years ago, and the one on the right was last October. I was somewhere around the 45 lb. mark, I think, and wearing a "before" shirt. I don't see a huge difference, except in the size of my smile. :)
I'll probably always be self-conscious when I have my picture taken, but I'm beyond the avoidance stage now. I yam what I yam, as Popeye said, and I want the people I love to remember me, especially my smile.
Labels: lifestyle steps, photos
7 Comments:
This is so true! By not being in pictures we are erasing history, not only for ourselves, but for our loved ones. I want to take some "before" pictures in my bathing suit (maybe after a few glasses of wine for Dutch courage!). Then I can do my follow up pictures in a bathing suit too and the progress will be more noticable.
I see a definite improvement in your pictures. You are doing great!
You raise a very good point about the photos - I think its a good thing to be aware of.
Now, I can see a BIG difference between your photos! Your face is a lot thinner for a start (no, its not just the smile). You are doing really well! :)
Gosh.
This post really hit home for me. I feel so ashamed admitting this, but I can remember, one Christmas a couple of years back, actually going through the digital camera and secretly deleting pictures of me, so that I would never have to see the printed version. It's really so sad to think about how desperate I was to avoid facing the truth about myself... so desperate, in fact, that I was willing to deny the people who love me and, who *I* love in return, the memories of me that pictures provide.
Wow. This really gives me a lot to think about.
You're an inspiration, Cammy.
j
Cammy, you are so beautiful in both pictures! Great post.
oh my gosh, I think that is such a great difference! you are looking fantastic. Im glad you were brave and decided to show your picture. I know for me, I was embarrased the first time I thought abotu doing it. I was asked to show some pictures for the Tales from the Scales challenge, and then I thought, what do I really have to be afraid of? people here already know Im fat and at least they can see how I have done. it was actually a very liberating thing. so good for you! and you make a good pt...I dont think many people sit and stare at our photos and point out flaws like we do to ourselves.
awwww!!! thanks for the link! and the photos. i see a big difference...in your face alone is like night and day!
this is a beautiful post. i love youre writing style and sense of humor!
i didn't take any official before pictures either. this is terrible, but in my family (of women who all struggle with weight), before pictures would be taken, diets would be started and failed, even more weight would be gained, and then the "before" pictures ended up looking more like "after" pictures. talk about depressing!
WOW!! You've made such progress and its so true about erasing ourselves from our history. When I was living in the UK my husband was constantly taking pictures of me and I was constantly complaining about it but now that we've moved to Florida, I'm really happy to have pictures of me over there.
I just can't get over what a HUGE difference in your face and body in these photos!
Post a Comment
<< Home