Makeover Monday: Releasing Regrets
I'm usually a fairly happy passenger on my journey through life, but some days I wish I had a nickel for every time I've thought "if only".
If only I'd lost this weight earlier in life...
If only I had gone back to finish a degree...
If only I had saved more money...
I'm not sure exactly what it is I think comes after the dots, but it must be spectacular given the number of times I've let a wistful sentence trail off that way.
The thing is...I'm living a pretty blessed life, right here, right now. I'm healthier than I've ever been ("the sinus" not withstanding), and if I had lost weight earlier in life, I'd never have you people, would I? Lack of a degree isn't a character flaw, nor is it fatal, and as far as money goes, I have enough. It's a Very Good Life.
In her prologue to There's a Hole in My Sidewalk, Portia Nelson wrote:
My life has been a series of wonderful experiences. It's a pity I wasn't there for most of them.I want to be here for this Very Good Life, and in order to do that, I need to focus on staying in it as it's unfolding. It's fine to use past experiences as learning tools or as reminders of times when life was better or smoother or healthier. Trying to live in those times, or to re-live them, as if the outcomes could be changed or recreated just from remembering, isn't productive.
Obviously, I don't have the answers for overcoming regrets, but I found a very good article that will get me (and anyone who wants/needs to join me) in getting started: Letting Go of Regrets by Arlene Harder. It's a quick read and has some positive action steps for those times when the "if only" thread thrums loudly.
I once heard Anne Lamott share some very good advice a friend gave her:
Just be where your butt is.I've borrowed that phrase many times when I've been overwhelmed with too-much-to-do-itis or worry-mania, and I think it works well for dealing with regrets, too.
So for today, my butt is right HERE, wherever HERE happens to be at any given moment. I hope I'll do the same tomorrow, but I won't spend any time today considering that. Nor will I waste time regretting anything my butt might or might not have done yesterday.
Do regrets get in your way sometimes? Have any life-changing advice to share with us on how you keep the Regret Monster away?
Wishing you a regret-free week...wherever your butt is.
~
Labels: lifestyle steps, makeover Monday, quotes, useful links
18 Comments:
Cammy,
Great post! I think this is something we can all learn from.
I am so glad you are trying to let go of your regrets. You may not have been entirely present for your past while you were heavier in life or maybe you were there but you just wish you weren't heavy. Too many regrets will create a black spot on our life. I think we should try to reframe our regrets as opportunities to learn and over come.
What can we learn from our mistakes and what can we learn from our missed opportunities? Also, I bet there are plenty of things besides your extra weight that you can be thankful for during that time. I think we should let these things define our past and not our weight. I guess my point is, it's not to late to claim our past and put a little love into it.
I don't generally have many regrets because we can't change the past- we can only change what WILL happen.
What you said about not knowing what comes after those dots just says so much. I can really relate to that.
I SOOO needed this post today. I've been a giant ball of worry all morning. You are fantastic! Thank you
Yeah, it must spectacular because I sure have said my share of "if onlys" in the past too...I am a lot better now, but not completely cured! I think I am going to print that line from Portia Nelson and put it on the fridge.
These days, I do feel very blessed and I try to appreciate them and do what I can to keep this gig going.
Off to read the article...
Great post, Cammy! I think we all have regrets to one degree or another. We just can't let our regrets control our "here and now."
And I think one way to negate our regrets is to work hard at accomplishing the goals that we have set today... wherever our "butts" are. hehe
SUPER POST CAMMY!!! I know you read me now & then & I so need this post & the article with the regret exercises! I admit that I have many & I need to let them go. It is hard stuff & I will try!
Thx again for your always thought provoking & interesting posts! So glad you are in a good place & it shows in your writing!
Excellent advice and something I definitely need to remember. So thank you for this post today! :)
Letting go of the if-onlys is not easy, but essential for a successful journey through life. I'm still working on it!
Very interesting and thought-provoking post. The way I look at it, everything in my past has made me who I am today. And I LIKE who I am today and know that I have a lot of choices to make every day. Making healthy choices is going to get me where I want to be.
Can't remember if it was Ann Landers or Dear Abby who would tell people that said "I'm too old to xxxxxx(fill in the blank)" - "Well, if you don't start a college program (or whatever) right now, where will you be in four years?" RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE NOW! Why not start a change so you CAN be different/more successful/whatever in four years? :-D
Path to Health
I've definitely had regrets in the past. They taught me this - live life so you will not have any more of them! So, if say I have a trip planned, but don't feel like going, I ask myself - if I don't go, will I have any regrets? Or will I be okay not going? I hope that makes sense.
Glad you are where your butt is. :)
You are so amazing that you still come up with these fantastic Makeover Monday topics!!! And Cheers to this one. You are so positive and such an inspiration to so many. Thank you for all the morsels of wisdom. Personally, thank you for stopping by and the ENCOURAGEMENT!! ((hugs)). I have much catching up to do and I know I will enjoy catching up over here and will come away a more motivated and wiser gal!! You ROCK CAMMY!!
Hm, I do not suffer from regrets, I really think they just hold you back. So I let go a long time ago and I'm so happy where I am right now!
Great post cammy!
Regretting not doing something seems to be a common thread in the human experience. I try to pay more attention now when those moments come along and make the decisions that later, I'm glad I did it!
There are two things that I feel come too late in life; First is the ability to learn from the past and move on from the mistakes you made and Second thing is the ability to compromise. Putting regrets behind you shows the real understanding of life. When we're young we want to win every battle and fight every fight even when it will destroy the spirit in the opponent. To compromise and give at times helps foster a better understanding between you and the problem and may help to work things out later on the next issue.
I love Anne Lamott, and that quote is just perfect! Be in the moment, enjoy it, and stop worrying about what could've, would've, should've.
Everything we do and everything we go through shapes where we are today.
Your post really hit home for me today!
I've experienced "If Only's" many, many times but I saw a tee shirt or bumper sticker (I can't remember) that said "Love the Life Your Living". How true, enjoy where you are on the way to where your going. Great post Cammy.
I love this.
I was reading my 'about me' today, and I cried a little just thinking about how many ways I could have done better... but you know what if I sit here today thinking about that, then I'm not making any changes... not taking the steps I need to take...
I'm going to enjoy where I am today because it's 10 million times better than where I was last year, and next year will only be better if I take action to get there.
Thanks for this post. You've got me thinking!
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