The Lonely Little Gym Bunny

Open letter to the guys at my gym:

I wouldn’t go to breakfast with you if you were the last people on Earth and it was my last chance for a meal. So there.

Really, I was completely comfortable when you three regulars started working out next to me and talking to each other across my sweaty body. You seem to do that every single time I go to the gym. Nor did I think anything of it when you all decided you needed to go out for a “Paul Bunyan” breakfast after the workout. I salivated a little, but I didn’t think anything about it after that.

The awkwardness (and subsequent loneliness) came into play when you introduced yourself to a new guy (stepping around my bench to do so) and invited him to go to breakfast with you and then did the same when another guy wandered into the area. I don’t know how many guys ended up going to breakfast, although I did note during my last circuit that the place had cleared out.

But the one gal in the place wasn’t even invited. I guess it’s enough that I’m even allowed to workout in Manville.

Whatever. I didn’t even want any stupid hashbrowns*.

I’ve thought it over and have narrowed down the possible reasons I wasn’t invited to the Tippy Toe Gym Post-Workout Breakfast:
1) I am invisible and you never saw me.
2) You saw me, but you don’t like me.
3) You’re all married and your wives would have hissy fits if you sat within 5 feet of another woman outside of their presence.
4) You’re all insanely attracted to me and are afraid you won’t be able to control yourselves if we leave the gym area.
5) You (the one in the red shirt with the flabby white arms) are jealous because I do rows at the same weight you do.
6) You all know that I know that NONE of you ever wipes down your benches after you’ve sweated all over them.
7) I am invisible and you never saw me.

Never mind. I’ll just continue my workouts as if you don’t exist, which will not faze you in the least, since you don’t see me.

Signed,
The Lonely (but increasingly toned) Little Gym Bunny

*total bullsh*t. I would’ve eaten my serving and anyone else’s leftovers.