Crisis in Memphis

I had a post in mind when I initially sat down here. And then Ray-the-Painter summoned me outside, where the World’s Largest Lizard (perhaps an exaggeration) was clinging to my outside wall.

lizard on my wall

World's Largest Lizard

Ray had already saved my bacon once today, when I locked myself out of the house, so he told me I was pretty much on my own for the lizard.

I tried to use a rake to knock him off the wall (the lizard, not Ray), but I missed and while I was searching for a different Knocking Implement, the scaly lizard crawled under my siding.

Where he now has wide-open access to my attic, which unfortunately is attached to my house and has inside access…to ME!

I’m posting this tale not to scare you, but in hopes that someone reading it will know anything about lizards and will save my life. (Full credit will be given.)

So who here knows about lizards, especially lizard home invasions? Here are my questions:
-Do you think the lizard might just stay where he is and crawl back out when Ray is finished working in the area? (If yes, Ray, you’re fired.)
-Do lizards like to hide under a) desks, or b) bedspreads?
-Are lizards attracted to people who don’t have as much body fat as they once had?
-Is it worth calling an animal control-type person to come out and fumigate the attic, thus driving down the bug population and eliminating the food source, thus driving him over to my neighbor’s house?
-Am I overly worrying about this?

I’m a silver lining type person, generally speaking, but I’m struggling with this one. The only good thing I can see is that my appetite is completely gone and my digestive system is in full swing. It’s like a Lizard Virus.

Any suggestions are appreciated. Also, should I be forced to move, I’d be grateful if anyone can offer a furnished bedroom (it doesn’t have to be huge, just lizard-free).

Okay, it’s time for another circuit of the house. I’ll be checking in with your blogs if the coast remains clear. Hope you’re having an awesome and lizardless week!

25 thoughts on “Crisis in Memphis

  1. oh dear!! i got nothing.. being a Canadian where Lizards fear to trod..

    except we used to get salamanders in our basement all the time, and centipedes. heeeebbbbbiiieee jeeeeebbiesss.

    sorry Cammy.. i’m far from helpful. Hope the slimy bugger is gone soon!
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..Binge Believing =-.

  2. The only lizards I’m familiar with are the ones that masquerade as humans on the show “V”!

    I remember how cool we thought it was to see lizards scuttling across the pavement when we vacationed in Florida as kids :) Good luck–I think lizards are better than squirrels when it comes to attic invasions!
    .-= Manuela´s last blog ..I’m Back!!! =-.

  3. Cammy-
    I am looking at this lizard- and he actually looks like a gecko. About a year ago, my wife Beth and I moved into a new house and out of nowhere we started seeing all these strange lizards. So we caught one… stuck it in a jar and took it down to the Mississippi Natural Science Museum…. Reptile expert there told us that it was indeed a gecko (not a reptile I don’t think) and to leave it alone because it would not hurt us and would eat every roach in a 500 foot area. The particular one we found was native to somewhere in Africa and the guy told us that it was most likely a pet that got away.

    So, we left it alone- we ended up realizing that we had a whole FAMILY of these things living on the house and on the porch. NEVER saw any bugs in the house… win/win.

    Now, I am not saying that that is what this thing is… I can’t really tell from the picture, but I think that you might be going a little overboard with your moving plans. Just a thought.

    Don’t you know any big strong men that might come over and catch it for you????

    I will be in Memphis on business the middle of June, so if you still have a problem at that time—- let me know.


  4. First, that lizard is more afraid of you than you are of it! Having raised a son interested in all creatures, we once had 26 lizards in an aquarium equipped with sticks and grass for their pleasure, lol. (I finally made him let them go after a week.)

    Anyway, I think once Ray stops disturbing the outside area, the lizard will get hungry and head back out to the wild. But just to be safe, stay on your tippy toes and keep your eyes peeled. I’m not afraid of lizards but my mother is so I totally sympathize!
    .-= Tena´s last blog ..Gearing up for Bike to Work Week – May 17-21, 2010 =-.

  5. “I know nothing”!!! Is it really that big.. I can’t tell from the pic. Are they dangerous? The ones in Hawaii are cute.. the geckos, that is!

    I hope “you survive”!!!

  6. I say call JackSh*t over so we can get two funny posts out of this! lol
    and …
    I think Rob just referred to himself as a big, strong man. 😉

    Cammy you kill me with your wonderful sense of humor … even when things go wrong, you’re laughing. What a gift!
    .-= Fitcetera´s last blog .. =-.

  7. I’ve never seen a lizard around here except when my bf used to have one as a pet 20+ years ago. I think they’re pretty harmless and can’t really hurt you but it’s still creepy to think he’s crawling around under the siding.

    You’re welcome to come to Boston and stay on the pull out couch in my lizard-free living room 😉

  8. Funny! Love the Knocking Implement!

    I don’t think he’ll bother you. He probably scooted right on out as soon as you stopped hovering over the wall. Lizards have short attention spans. I doubt he’d want to seek revenge on you for chasing him into the side of your house.

  9. LOL… Rob is right. Whether reptile or amphibian, this little fellow is out to eat bugs. If he IS in your house, he’ll keep your house clean. If you don’t have anything for him to eat, he’ll find his way back out of the house.

    Don’t hurt him. He’s a cutie. And he’s probably already gone. He’s more afraid of you than you are of him!

  10. Omg its got four legs with scratchy feet and a long tail and eyes that rotate – I mean what normal ‘thing’ has rotating eyes – ooog! and double oog!
    I would plug every hole with plaster – and seal the door when you sleep…never can be too sure roflol. and I would hate to wake up……..oh nooooo doesn’t bare thinking about.

  11. OOOH I will trade you our scorpions for the lizards!
    send em onward as the child would adore them.

    any chance you have an (eddie) IZZARD there too?
    shoot that my way as well.

  12. Oh Cammy! Wow, that thing is huge! I’ll send you my lizard hunter…though that lizard might be bigger than what he’s used to handling. Luckily most lizards don’t have teeth, but this seems to be some type of hybrid so who knows…..


  13. You tried to whack him with a rake so he took cover. I’m sure he’s long gone, back out looking for food, water to drink, a soul mate, and whatever else interests lizards 😉 His revenge on you is complete: he’s gone home to be happy, while you’re still relentlessly searching the house with a flashlight and a hammer (maybe you aren’t… I would be!)
    .-= SeaShore´s last blog ..Ouch =-.

  14. Hope you manage to get rid of Larry Lizard.
    .-= Kimberley´s last blog ..Happy 18th Birthday Zachariah! =-.

  15. Cammy, If it’s any consolation, I just read in the paper today that lizards could be extinct shortly. I say tame the darned thing, keep it alive and sell it to the highest bidder when, and if, that happens. Just a thought.
    .-= vraz60´s last blog ..Confuscious Say… =-.

  16. OMG! I would totally be creeping out. Thank goodness I’ve only had to deal with those suckers when we visit Florida. Yikes!
    .-= Anonymous Fat Girl´s last blog ..Why dieting makes you fat =-.

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  20. Lizards are the sweetest! I had an anole as a kid and my fiance had a huge iguana (before I knew him and it died so I never got to see it) don’t hurt it! It’ll go away eventually to find more food! :)

  21. The lizard that invaded your attic is a common lizard to this region. I have several around my home, along with some black with silver striped ones. They are totally harmless and are more afraid of you than you are of them. Not a dangerous lizard he won’t bite you, and even if he did he does not have teeth. Leave him alone and he will either leave or get rid of some bugs outside of your house. He will not stay in the attic, or come into your home. Try to refrain from hitting him with huge rakes or shovels, he means you no harm.

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