That Guy at the Gym

I apologize for leaving you hanging on Wednesday. I slammed into an energy wall and couldn’t type another word. I was asleep before 8:00, I think.

So about the condom guy at the gym. I first noticed him in the week after Christmas and had kind of hoped he was just visiting, but he was there earlier this week also. He is a slim, attractive man who exercises really, really hard–mostly cardio. Something about him reminds me of Don Cheadle, minus the earrings and the residuals. But that’s not what first caught my attention. No, the eye-catcher was the silvery-white PVC sauna suit that covers him head to toe topped by a white slimming belt around his waist, AND a white swim cap on his handsome head!

Yes, it would be easier to just take a picture of him, but I don’t think that would be very nice. I certainly wouldn’t want someone taking a photo of me (gym or otherwise) and posting it to the internet. (Don’t get me started on people who take unflattering photos of obese people and post them with ugly comments. Not! Nice!) So we’ll make do with advertising photos of other people stolen borrowed from here and there.

pvc sauna suit with accessories

Not the actual Condom Guy

Honestly, I tried not to gawk, but I might have a little as I tried to figure out exactly what it was he was wearing. And then it hit me: he looks like a giant condom running on the treadmill. As a rule, I don’t laugh or poke fun at people at the gym (except myself, of course, which generally provides more than enough entertainment), but this guy made me giggle on the inside.

Until he walked up beside me on the cool-down mat. The condom suit may hold in the body heat, but the body odor found an escape hatch. My.Word.

In the spirit of fair play, I have to admit that you’ll never find my workout attire featured in any ads for 24-Hour Fitness. People probably think I’m a bag lady, albeit an “above average” one, in my over-sized t-shirt and yoga-type pants but we’re not there for a fashion show, are we? If Condom Guy is content with his workout and the results he gets wearing such a get-up, more power to him.

I just wish he’d use a stronger deodorant.

Is there someone at your gym who makes you scratch your head and say, “What?”

Okay, so we’re headed into the first weekend of the new year. I wish you all great success with following your plans. If you should feel your resolve faltering, stop for a second and imagine how absolutely awesome you’re going to feel on Monday when you’ve successfully defeated your obstacles. And if you should wobble a bit, be still and re-focus your attentions. You are MORE than capable of achieving your goals!

21 thoughts on “That Guy at the Gym

  1. I nearly spit my tea at “body odor escape hatch”! I do see some interesting outfits at my gym, partly because a lot of senior citizens use it – there is one man who comes in slacks with his dress shirt neatly tucked in and belted. His concession to the workout is the sneakers he wears. A big contrast to the high school girls wearing those tiny dance shorts and a sports bra!

  2. There’s a guy like that at my gym! Except I think he’s on the cheap side. His workout uniform is made of Hefty bags and duct tape. No joke.

  3. Too funny. It unfortunately reminded me of my dear husband who is a major sweat-er and I make him wish his workout clothes separately they stink so bad! No condom suit needed:(

  4. This is hysterical! Those suits are supposed to be so bad for you!! I really shouldn’t laugh, but the picture you paint is priceless!!!

  5. He’s just practising safe ex (ercise). My favorite thing to wear on the treadmill at home are some shorts my brother-in-law left behind at our house 10 years ago. They were probably running shorts he wore in college. They are my disreputable shorts and are never seen outside the house. Only my husband ever sees them. Poor guy.

  6. Poor condom guy – lol. I love that, practising safe ex (ercise). Hilarious post. When I read the title I thought, “Oh, she’s found some hottie at the gym.” LOL. That why, when I went to the gym, I went to the ladies only section. Could not take the BO and the grunting and hogging of machines. Guys standing around with bird stick legs hogging the machine to work their massive biceps (weird). The suit idea…ridiculous. What’s that gonna do? I can sweat without one and when I take in some fluids, suck, there it is again.

  7. That is freakin’ hysterical. I can’t say that I’ve seen a lot of strange outfits at my gym, those there is that guy that shrieks like a jaguar stuck in a claw trap throughout his entire lifting routine. That is suuper awkward, and everyone is trying really hard not to laugh.

  8. Too funny. OK, technically, I saw this guy in a store, not the gym, but he was in the silky shorty-shorts of the eighties…He stood out initially because I didn’t think people even owned those shorts any more, not that I’m anywhere near a fashionista at the gym. Tie-die shirts and shorts is about as fancy-schmancy as I get. What made it bad was that his junk was hanging out the leg of his shorts….I only wish he would have camoflauged it with a condom, really.

  9. I’m GUTTING myself laughing. Poor condom guy!!!! And poor you…peeee ewwww!!!! The worst I saw at the gym was a woman in VERY low hanging yoga pants, and when she moved, they inched down exposing a HUGE tattoo on her lower back and booty (which were both in full view). There were all kinds of words in the tattoo, but I as scared to scrutizine the crack to closely….to this day, I still have no idea what the tattoo says….but I’ve seen it on MANY occasions. Not pretty…. :)

  10. Oh my Cammy! I think I would have had a hard time keeping a straight face while inhaling some ferocious BO! Ugh! I think there’s a rule if somebody offers you deodorant you should use it…or maybe that’s breath mints….well, it should apply to deodorant too!!! Maybe next time you could put some beside him and say, oh look you dropped your deodorant….maybe you want to use some, uh, now?! :)

  11. LOL!! OH MY!!
    Ok I went to a water aerobics class at the local community center ..once. I couldn’t face it again. I knew I’d be the youngest one there and I was right.
    I did not expect the instructor to be over 70 years old. Neither did I expect him to be wearing a ..something. Whatever it was started as shorts from his knees up past his waist and then turned into a very small tank top that did was open mid belly going up to 2 shoulder straps. It was also skin tight lycra type material. And..bright red.
    I tried, I really did..but at one point I started giggling internally..then a little outloud giggle popped out, which was quite I was howling with the pool. I could not believe I was in this situation and it was just too funny to handle.

    Looking forward to feeling good on Monday due to my excellent choices of time well spent and food well chosen!


  12. Cammy, that is soooooooooooooo funny! In all my years of going to the gym, I never saw anything like that. I have seen my share of crazy outfits but nothing compared to what you described!

    Love your last sentiment! YES, refocus & show that mind that you are capable of beating the NO’s in there!

  13. OMG! Seriously!! Wow, what so people will do. LOL!!!! How does he get out of it I wonder? Well, we all need a little humor every now and then, especially at the gym.

  14. OMGosh how could you not help but look and wonder what in the world people are thinking or not thinking….lol…that is just hilarious….I wonder what the gym staff think? Is he okay upstairs??lol…I don’t think I could work out with him there….lol…good on you for sticking to your guns and doing your workout.
    Hugs Khris

  15. Too funny, Cammy!

    Condom Guy; not the actual Condom Guy. What a hoot!

    I can smell him…… or maybe that’s my son…. home from his basketball game…… stinky, stinky, stinky.

    Have an excellent week!


  16. HILARIOUS and I do love me some Don.

    I was giggling yesterday at a guy dressed in khakis and a collared shirt and a belt lifting weights.
    he does it all the time.
    I SO WISH we could get inside the heads of some of these folks and just SEE what makes then choose their duds.


  17. HA! This is too funny, Cammy! Between this and the story about the guy telling you were above average you really get some good stories out of that place!

    Sometimes I find these guys just want attention. I can’t imagine this because I would NEVER draw such horendous attention to myself. But he thinks he’s super cool and cutting edge and wants everyone to know it.

    Unfortunately, wearing those suits so you sweat to lose weight is so 1980. You should hand him a note tied to a stick of deod that says, “when you lose water weight it doesn’t actually count as fat loss.” Unless you’re a wrestler. DUH.

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  19. Love it!

    It’s not a whole outfit, but one that makes me chuckle is a guy at my gym who wears a camo t-shirt with the caption: “Ha! You can’t see me!” Yes, that camo practically turns you into a chameleon. :-)

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