The Red Velvet Massacre of 2011

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that my Red Velvet Cake Joys were not a hit at the neighborhood dessert social last night. Not only did they not win any of the prizes for favorite, they didn’t even receive a single vote! If that wasn’t bad enough, the third prize winner was PURCHASED AT KROGER’S BAKERY.

I didn’t mind so much losing to the first two winners. One half of the only gay couple in the ‘hood, who only shows up at the dessert social and potluck meetings, brought some sort of scrumptious brownie bar with coconut and pecans. And some old lady one of our seniors brought a homemade peach cobbler. The cobbler part was tasty, but I think she must have used a single 15-oz. CAN of cling peaches because I didn’t get any CANNED peach with my crust. I did, however, see a sliver of peach in Roger-from-down-the-street’s serving. But, her crust was delicious and baked perfectly so kudos to her!

But the lemon pudding cake from KROGER? C’mon! Maybe the woman who bought/brought it deserves some credit for efficiency (she didn’t even take it out of the plastic KROGER server) or savvy parking, but in my completely and totally unbiased opinion, she never should have won a prize for a store-bought cake! No matter how moist and tasty it was! Well, she should certainly enjoy her prize, which was a $25 Kroger gift card. She can buy lots of cake with that!

Our crowd was smaller than last year (apparently the discriminating dessert-eaters stayed home), so I have leftovers. I have them in the freezer and ready to go to the family pig-out reunion in a couple of weeks. I don’t have many, so I may supplement with another variety. The coconut cake joy test with the KROGER cake slices didn’t work so well. Kroger’s coconut cake, as it turns out, is vanilla cake and icing with some shredded coconut on top. It certainly didn’t taste coconutty, so I added a smidge of coconut butter to the melted chocolate and then sprinkled unsweetened coconut on top of the cake joy, post-dip. That was better! I may try them again with REAL coconut cake. Or maybe strawberry or banana cake. :)

Anyway, in addition to being prize-less and out about four hours of precious time spent preparing my HOMEMADE cake joys, I am also sugar-soaked from sampling all the offerings! Thank goodness today was yard work day! It took me two hours, but I mowed, edged, swept, raked, and clipped for over two hours! That’s a good start to offsetting the dessert splurge.

I had planned to work in a bike ride this afternoon, but then I slammed the weedeater against my knee (yep, the Pickleball knee) and then rammed it into the side of a bench so I’m back to ice packs again. Depending on how it feels, I may be able to work in a ride before dark. (Yaaay for longer days!)

My weekend is shaping up to be spent mostly with a paintbrush in hand. I hope to hit a few garage sales in the morning, but we’ve got stormy weather predicted, so who knows.

What do you have going on this weekend?



18 thoughts on “The Red Velvet Massacre of 2011

  1. Cammy, this is hysterical reading on a Friday afternoon — perfect for a little levity.

    No big weekend plans for me. It’s been a really busy, really eventful, really emotional few weeks. I’m hoping for a quiet weekend — so long as the end of the world folks aren’t right.

  2. This is too funny! I would’ve loved to have seen your face when they announced the 3rd place winner! I hope you played “nice.”

    We pack up and leave Colorado Springs tomorrow morning and head for Durango. Not too bad mileage wise, but up and over several passes so will take most of the day. Sunday will probably be a rest day as our day our travel days usually are.

    Keep holding down the fort in Tennessee till I can get back to help!

  3. Well I have a red velvet massacre of my own! Boy are these babies messy! Mine are not very pretty – so not sure they’ll make it to the party. I am sooo unskilled in the kitchen.

  4. Well, those people clearly don’t know what they’re doing. Your cake is too good to be part of any competition that would include store bought cake. That’s absurd!! I mean c’mon.
    So sorry about the knee. But yard work seems like a perfect antidote for all the extra sugar.
    I love my life and my family, but I secretly pine away for the single life and love to hear you describe painting your house, etc…
    This weekend we’re trying to pack while watching our dear critter. MIL is coming over to help for a bit on Saturday and Sunday we go to my mom’s for a bit.
    I have a good sweaty workout scheduled for tomorrow and just moving boxes for Sunday. Trying not to eat sugar.

  5. Cammy – that is so lame! A kroger cake?? What is wrong with people? That lady must have just been popular. I would love some of those cake balls. I was just thinking about making some, but haven’t quite got the nerve up yet.

  6. Hi Cammy,

    I just found your blog and I love this post! I am sorry that your awesome cake didn’t beat the Kroger cake but your attitude is spot-on. Gotta be lighthearted about it :)

    Yard work makes for a good and worthwhile workout each and every time.

    Tomorrow I have a picnic to attend and I hope to get the weeds out of my flower beds. In our part of PA we’ve had rain and rain and rain for days. It is nice to see the sun.

  7. OOOH!!!! Who’s backside to I need come down there and kick???? That’s so wrong that store bought won a prize. (I GRRR on your behalf – and for the record, have never kicked a backside in my life, so wouldn’t even know where to start! :) Have a great weekend Cammy!

  8. LOL! Not fair. We went to a potluck at our church in Rome. Someone brought a package of oreo cookies. I.Kid.You.Not–they disappeared in a heartbeat, the number 1, hands-down winner in popularity. I learned my lesson. The next time, I took oreos!

  9. WTF! Store bought desserts actually counted??? Craziness!

    UGH on your poor knee! Hope it is feeling better & you got in a ride.

    Going to a party for a lady friend that is launching her book & it is being sold in Costco too. I wrote about her on my blog, Holly Mosier & she is also co-owner of the kickboxing studio I went to.. she is multi talented & beautiful on the inside & outside!

  10. Store bought over homemade are you kidding me! These people have not sense of taste!

    Sorry about the boo-boo to your knee again! What’s up with you lately?

  11. Cammy, you are such a funny writer. I have cake-joys on the brain now, thank you! I think you could ship a frozen one to California and it would make it here just fine,don’t you?

  12. Cammy, I adore your sense of humor. I know that when I come here, not only am I going to be entertained, but I get to envision these scenarios that you describe and they are just too funny.
    I completely agree by the way, that Kroger-cake lady should never have won for a purchased cake – who makes these rules, anyway? Completely not fair, and I for one would have gladly eaten my way through your dessert with ZERO complaints :)

  13. Your Red Velvet Cake Joys sound amazing! (And what a cute name – cake joys!) I can’t get over the store cake winning and agree it should never have been in the running. I hope you had a good, productive weekend – with painting and enjoying some down time. :-)

  14. I forbid you from writing posts with the phrase “Red Velvet” anywhere inside. Honestly, Red Velvet is my absolute kryptonite. My ex-girlfriend just introduced me to Ben and Jerry’s Red Velvet Ice Cream… I think it’s new. I spent the entire weekend hold up in my bedroom with a pint and caught up on 3 or 4 movies that i’d been “meaning to see”.. aka. I just wanted an excused to sit still so i could have my ice cream.

    I have a problem!! hahaha

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