It would be nice if I had a report about this particular moon. We could discuss how pretty it is.
It would be nice if my topic was even this type of moon, butt [sic-foreshadowing] it’s not. Here’s the story:
After a post-birthday mani-pedi treat, I set off on my weekend road trip. So far, so good. I made it allll the way ’til lunchtime before Catastrophe Struck.
I had polished off my yummilicious Wendy’s Apple Pecan chicken salad and made a quick stop at the restroom, a one-seater affair that looked reasonably clean. I would like it to be known that I distinctly heard the door lock click into place when I pressed the button. I swear it.
Upon completing the immediate task at hand, I was attempting to get my camisole/shaper thingie tucked into place when the DOOR SLAMMED OPEN!!! And me with my lily white butt not quite yet covered by my lime green panties! C-A-T-A-S-T-R-O-P-H-E!
I may have lost 100 pounds, but I still do not have the type of butt that needs to be seen by a bunch of strangers! Not even one stranger, which as it turns out, is all that caught the show. I think. The woman who opened the door squealed, “I’m sorry!” and slammed it shut again before continuing. “It wasn’t locked, I promise.”
Well, I hadn’t heard her out there trying to pick the lock, so I forgave her instantly and worked on regaining my composure and willing the beet red blush from my face while I washed my hands. It helped that I was traveling and would likely not ever see her again.
When I opened the door, I told her I’d definitely heard the lock click and that we should check it out for her. Sure enough, the lock clicked but the latch thingie wasn’t catching on anything. I couldn’t turn the knob from the outside, but I could push the door right open. The poor woman was kind of bouncing up and down and looking panicky, so I told her I would wait outside to be sure no one came in while she was in there. It gave me time to evaluate the dining room to see if anyone looked like they’d been laughing hysterically. Fortunately it was mostly empty. There was only one woman sitting in a position to see the restroom area, and she was yakking away to her husband. Whew!
I accepted the bathroom lady’s third, fourth, and fifth apologies and hauled my recently exposed butt down the road. I didn’t stop again for 2 hours (a new personal best for me, I think), and I purposefully sought out McD’s, where they usually have stalls. I’d never seen that as a safety feature before, but I will from now on. Fortunately, I didn’t flash anyone else, and the rest of the first day’s journey ended without incident.
So now I’ve double-bolted myself into my motel room and am preparing to map out potential restroom stops for tomorrow. Do you think it would be rude to call likely candidates tonight to ask if they have working bathroom door locks?
Only one other noteworthy item, and it’s more odd than anything else…
The little town I’m in seems to be in the midst of some sort of banana frenzy. I stopped in at the Wal-mart (one of only two grocery stores in this area) to pick up a couple of bananas, and this is what I found:
The shelves are completely bare! The boxes under the shelves are empty, too! What’s going on here? What are these people doing with all the bananas? I spotted a clerk in the area and asked if there were any bananas in the back. He started laughing and told me that every banana shipment they get lately goes right out the front door. They’ve run out by early afternoon every day this week!
I’d been listening to NPR on the drive and I knew they would’ve reported any significant banana shortage issues, so I wondered if there some new banana diet sweeping the nation. The clerk said he wondered if Dr. Oz had mentioned bananas on his show recently, because whenever Dr. Oz mentions a product, the store gets swarmed with people looking for it.
Anyone know if Dr. Oz has mentioned cupcakes recently?
For some reason, the banana shortage made me think of Memaw and that I should encourage her to try growing bananas next. Having conquered watermelons, she is attempting a lemon crop this summer:
Who knows if these will make it to adulthood. We’re just grateful she can nurture this crop from her back porch. Multiple daily trips to the watermelon patch were gruesome in this hot summer. This way, she can check out the plants from the air-conditioned comfort of her living room.
Nothing else to report. I really just stopped by to warn anyone in my potential path to enter bathrooms carefully, lest you be greeted by a sight you do not wish to see. Especially before lunch.
Oh, and I wanted to wish you all a happy weekend too!