Down with Doubters!

Pardon me, but I’m a tad irritated this morning. I just heard a television commercial (I was digging something out of the office closet and wasn’t actually watching) that set my teeth on edge. It was for some diet product or another, and some woman was exclaiming, “My friends all say, ‘We knew you could lose the weight, but we never thought you’d keep it off’.”

Commercial Woman seems pleased by the remark, but all I can think is, What the hell kind of friend says that? If you’ve gained and lost a lot of weight several times in the past, I can understand why the thought might cross your loved ones’ minds, but to say it to your face as if it’s a compliment? Um, no.

The only comment I got that was even remotely similar was right after I reached goal, when someone (I can’t even remember who) advised me, “You need to make sure you don’t gain it back.” I was grateful for her sage advice, because I had planned that for my very next step. ::ouch! I think I hurt something rolling my eyes.::

I’m fortunate not to have had any vocal doubters on my path and only one who telegraphed her doubt via body language and a “knowing” smirk when I would talk about one of my tippy toe steps. To her credit, she admits now that she didn’t think I could lose the weight and says that she was thrilled to be proved wrong. Her only comment now is, “I will never doubt you again. You showed me how strong-willed you are.” (Personally, I thought ‘strong-willed’ was a very nice substitute for ‘stubborn.’.)

In the end, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about us–good or bad. What matters most is that we believe in ourselves, that we know we are more than capable of succeeding, and that we do the things we need to do to take care of ourselves.

It would be nice if the doubters kept their traps shut before and after we do it, though. :)

Do you have doubters? How do you handle them?



25 thoughts on “Down with Doubters!

  1. Not so much with the weight loss. Have to admit, I was (and am) my own biggest doubter. But in other areas of my life, doubters have just made me more stubborn to accomplish whatever it was. Hmmm…maybe I need to apply that to myself!

  2. Hey Cammy,
    I totally agree about the doubting friend. I need encouragers all along the path, before, during, and after. Discouragers not welcome. Just to let you know that you are a constant encouragement to me–with your blog, but also with your continued success. Love it!

  3. I only have encouragers in my family and close friends. In fact, I have a cousin who has started dropping weight, figuring if I could do it at my advanced age, he could (and should) do it while younger.

    Maybe they are encouraging because my FB quote for the longest time was, “Dieting and crabbier than usual” 😉 Heck, I haven’t felt this great in eons!! Now my FB page just warns anyone not to ask for befriending if they don’t want to see my political views. (Lots of conservative folks in my Dad’s crowd – what an understatement.)

  4. I think that most people who *really* know me, know NOT to give me a backhanded “compliment” because I will totally say something unless I’m stunned by their comment. I do have a friend who agreed with a few of my own cut downs (you know, the ones where you wait for someone to say “oh stop!” or “no you’re not” because you have crappy self esteem) Learned my lesson there and I’ve since hashed it out with her so…

    I do hear quite a bit as you approach or hit goal that people tell you things like “stop losing weight”, “you look sick”, “are you okay/have an eating disorder” and my comeback for that will be “uh, you didn’t seem concerned about my weight when I was nearing 500 lbs, you don’t get to have a say in it now.” That should shut people up! LOL

  5. I have to admit that I’ve been a doubter, not only about myself, but others too. I recognize now that my doubting ways came from a place of insecurity, and that I was projecting, big time!

    Like so many before me, I regained half the weight I’d lost while on eDiets. And like others before me, when I’d lost the weight, I thought I had it all figured out. I was cocky and sure that I’d never regain. When I did, it was what I consider to be the real start of my journey. There are times when I see someone out there in blog land (or someone I know personally) losing a bunch of weight and there are times when I have my doubts that they’ll be able to maintain the loss…I think it’s because I know what it looks like to lose weight for the wrong reasons and not get at the whys…the deep stuff that got us fat in the first place. I also understand that I can never know what’s in another person’s heart…I can’t walk in their shoes…and so I try not to make those kinds of judgments.

    I’d like to think that I’ve become a much better encourager now that I know what it feels like to be encouraged, not just by others, but by myself, as well.

    Boy, you’ve really got me thinking, Cammy!

  6. I have to admit that I’ve been a doubter, not only about myself, but others too. I recognize now that my doubting ways came from a place of insecurity, and that I was projecting, big time!

    Like so many before me, I regained half the weight I’d lost while on eDiets. And like others before me, when I’d lost the weight, I thought I had it all figured out. I was cocky and sure that I’d never regain. When I did, it was what I consider to be the real start of my journey. There are times when I see someone out there in blog land (or someone I know personally) losing a bunch of weight and there are times when I have my doubts that they’ll be able to maintain the loss…I think it’s because I know what it looks like to lose weight for the wrong reasons and not get at the whys…the deep stuff that got us fat in the first place. I also understand that I can never know what’s in another person’s heart…I can’t walk in their shoes…and so I try not to make those kinds of judgments.

    I’d like to think that I’ve become a much better encourager now that I know what it feels like to be encouraged, not just by others, but by myself, as well.

    Boy, you’ve really got me thinking, Cammy!

    • Ooops…my comment posted twice! Sorry!

      I also wanted to say that a big doubter in my life was my mother. I say “was” because even though she’s alive, I haven’t spoken to her in almost a year. It’s been a gift…

  7. Wow, this is two posts in a row you’ve hit me between the eyes. Just stop it!!! Kidding………. BTW, your last post made such an impression I wrote about it in my own post this morning.

    As hard as it is to admit, it was encouraging to see others say their biggest doubter was themselves. As I read your post, I was thinking that and wondering if I’d have the courage to write it down. Looks like most of us have fought that same demon. Perhaps, self-doubt is one of the reasons we have excess weight to lose in the first place…hmmm!

  8. I lost 114 pounds. I gained 113 back. I had to lose all those pounds AGAIN, and luckily I have lost them, plus more. I still have 53 to go. I hate that I gained back pretty much everything I lost the first time. I no longer see the regain as a “failure” and I don’t see losing the weight again the second time as the real start. The reason is that all of it, every single bit, has taught me something. The fact that I didn’t keep it off the first time means I still had things to learn. It’s all valuable. Losing it the first time was valuable, too, because it showed me that I could do it. And along the way (both times) I learned a lot about what works for me and what doesn’t, what my triggers are, etc. I really do hope that I have it right this time, because I REALLY don’t want to have to go through this process again. LOL.

    To The Mrs, I have thought that about people before–that they are starting to look too thin or sickly and that it’s time for them to stop losing weight. I watched a friend go from 300 down to 130, and when she started getting below 160 she looked like she was really sick. But now that she has maintained her loss for over a year, and I’m used to seeing her at her goal weight, I have a new picture of her. I think that subconsciously I was just used to her being bigger, had never seen her face look that thin, that without realizing it I misinterpreted what her loss meant. She looks the same now as she did when I thought she looked really sick, but now that I’m used to her being “thin” she doesn’t look any sicker than anybody else who isn’t overweight. Kind of weird, right? Maybe I need to just kind of expect people to have that reaction to me the closer I get to my goal–and if they do, I guess I just won’t worry about it!

  9. I have quite a few doubters in my life. They will say things like “you’re doing GREAT with working out so much, but we’ll see how long you last this time….”.

    It’s very upsetting.

  10. Hi Cammy. Like many other commenters, I’m probably my own worst doubter – but have worked really hard to turn that though process around. I’ve also had a doubter say some pretty hurtful things in the last year that I’ve been on this journey, but shows that she wasn’t actually a true friend….and I can’t say I have alot to do with her anymore. I want to surround myself with postive, supportive people who’s words encourage not discourage.

  11. I have lottttsa in a few realms of my life and the older I get the more I just plug my ears and sing LA LA LA LA!! loudly till I can prove em incorrect.

  12. Down with them for sure….
    Don’t scoop down to that level!
    Walk on by.
    (Easier said than done, eh?)
    Still… walk on by!

  13. I also agree that we tend to be our own biggest doubters and critics. I may think I look ridiculous in something and feel all self-conscious but a friend or relative will tell me I look great. Fortunately I also have a lot of supportive people in my life that I cannot imagine would say something backhanded like that, but then they likely know that I’d come undone and retaliate.

    Sorry that this happened to you. I cannot imagine what causes people to say things in this manner. I believe that most of them think that they are being helpful and supportive, but they just don’t stop to find the right words to back up their wish. Something like “I’m so proud of and happy for you that you’ve reached x goal, keep up the good work!”

  14. Yeah, I’m a moron today! I read all the comments and got all irritated to the point that I thought someone said that to you and not the gal in the commercial. Ugh. Not awake yet.

  15. Will taking care of yourself helps with your mind mentally. I would also say just refraining your thoughts and staying away from negative people this all helps.

  16. In the end, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about us–good or bad. What matters most is that we believe in ourselves, that we know we are more than capable of succeeding, and that we do the things we need to do to take care of ourselves.

    Cammy , I love that. Honestly, I think there are way more doubters out there ready to keep us down but the key is to steer clear of anyone that wants to sabotage the efforts & just keep knowing that you can do it! :-)

    I do agree with Lori that we sometimes can be our own worst enemy!
    😉

  17. I think much of the problem stems from people’s very strange, rigid ideas on what it takes to lose weight. Yes, I can eat carbs and still lose weight. Yes, I can drink wine and still lose weight. Yes, I can eat cheese or meat or fat and still lose weight. I can’t overeat. I can’t be sedentary. I can’t eat out too often. I don’t need to eat 1200 kcal/day. I don’t need to starve, do a weird cleanse, give up gluten.

    BTW, KCL, if you read this far, my mom has also not been my friend here. I didn’t talk to either of my parents for over a year, though I talk to them now. I don’t let my mom talk shit about my weight, though she doesn’t try, as I’m as thin as she is these days, and I am not hesitant to tell her how stupid and WRONG she is wrt weight loss. I don’t let her lecture me on full-fat yogurt while she’s eating two muffins (2 for 1, a bargain, how could she not at that price, not her fault that neither my dad nor I want one).

    • Hey Julie…

      My mother’s issues and doubts about me go way beyond my weight…there was some systematic abuse from the time I was a child and I’m *just now* understanding the full implications of it. When I say this, it’s not about blaming her, but rather about understanding it so I can help myself. I don’t have a relationship with her any more…I cut ties with her at the end of December 2010. Things have been much more peaceful in my life.

  18. I can relate to this so much. I have just started my weightloss journey, and I decided that blogging would help me. But I felt like I had to make my blog completely private because of doubters. I thought I would publish it after I reached goal to avoid the doubters. The blog is working, it helps to get my thoughts written down. I am so grateful that I found your site! Thank you so much for what you have to say, it has been huge inspiration to me, and I have almost lost my first 10 pounds!

  19. My biggest doubter is me – still learning how to overcome that. Reading your blog helps, Cammy. And besides, apropos of nuttin’ – you’re my favorite Cardinals fan. Congrats!

  20. Yesterday I was once again so overwhelmed by it all, I felt like jumping in the sea… So maybe I’m the biggest doubter of them all. On top of that, I think I project doubts onto others. Nobody says anything, but I suspect that they think it… and I may be wrong!

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