As a child, I was taught that it’s not nice to laugh at others’ misfortunes, but I couldn’t help laughing when I read this quote yesterday:
“I had hoped this marriage was forever but sometimes things don’t work out as planned.”
~ from Kim Kardashian’s press release regarding her divorce
I shouldn’t have laughed–really, my mother would be so disappointed in me!–but after all the preening and media hoopla surrounding an obnoxiously extravagant wedding, it seemed absurd that the whole thing was over in 72 days. So even though divorce isn’t funny, I confess, I had a giggle or two.
Have you ever noticed how your conscience will just jump up out of nowhere sometimes and slap you across the face? Yeah, I know, it only happens to me.
As I was trying–almost successfully–to return to the important news of the day, the voice of Cammy Past whispered in my ear: How many “This-Is-It!” diets did you go on that didn’t last 72 hours, Ms. Smarty-Pants Giggler?
Talk about hitting below my squish-bellied belt! Since, given my history, it wouldn’t surprise me if the answer to that question is somewhere around 72 diets, I clearly have no right to be laughing at anyone for falling a tad short of forever on anything. (Besides, which, it showed a distinctive lack of compassion and character and anything better to do.)
Instead of snickering, I should have recognized our Kim-and-Cammy common ground and sent solidarity vibes across the miles. After all, changing to a (mostly) committed healthy(ish) lifestyle is practically the same thing as committing to your One True Love for eternity. The only real difference is the object of your affection. Well, there’s potential alimony (and in this case, residuals), too, but really, it’s mostly about the object. In my case, that object was ME.
I’ve made it past the 72-day and the 72-week marks and I’m over halfway to 72-months on my forever commitment. I’ve learned a lot (and continue to learn every day), and if I was asked, I’d offer these suggestions to Kim Kardashian, should she decide to go for Season 2 anytime soon:
1. Make sure you ‘re doing it for the right reasons. A TV show, bunches of dollars and fancy dresses, and lots of attention are not good reasons to marry someone. (Don’t feel bad, trying to lose weight to fit some celebrity-inspired body image ideal isn’t a good reason to try to lose weight either, but I did it.)
2. Prepare to put effort into it. Marriage is not something you can throw some money into and then “hope” it turns out okay. You have to WORK at it. (Oops, I used the ‘W’ word!)
3. Expect problems and bumps in the road. If you know your intended (or yourself) AT ALL, you can probably figure out ahead of time what some of the problems might be and then work together to create a way to deal with them.
4. Fire every advisor you currently have on staff. (This won’t be easy, I know. I still pick up diet books from time to time. Be strong!)
5. Go on an extended vacation and be very, very, very quiet for a while. Refuse all interviews and photo ops. But don’t wait for the next marriage (or the reconciliation–whichever comes first); do it NOW! Please! My commitment to not go head-first into my Halloween Snickers stash if I have to read another word about any of this depends on it!
Anyone have anything to add?
Here’s today’s tip to
After you’ve got your lipstick looking just the way you want it, rub ice over your lips to set the color and prevent smudging. It works!
Do I need to mention that the ice shouldn’t be attached to a frozen metal pole?
Just a little pre-holiday humor.